Observation # 9 - Carrots

I admit it, I hate carrots. I hate their color, taste, smell and overall appearance. I see no redeeming value in carrots. I don't like them raw, cooked, shredded or diced. I even hated listening to Bugs Bunny chomp those orange gag-cycles on cartoons as a child. I just hate carrots. One exception, I like carrot cake, goes to show you that a person can wrap anything with cake and smear it with cream cheese frosting and make it edible.

My wife does not share this hatred of carrots with me, she actually likes them. In fact, she puts them in everything, soups, stews, casseroles and she probably even puts them in her cereal in the morning. Everything I eat at home has those horrible orange eyes staring up at me. I'm not sure, but I think forcing your children to eat carrots constitutes child abuse.......... don't think I better turn her in, I'll just end up eating more carrots when she gets out.

Observation # 8 - Clocks

OK, it's a couple weeks past daylight savings time and I have clocks that will still be wrong when we fall back in October. Some clocks are not meant to be changed. Watches, easy, dial clocks with wheels on the back, very easy. Digital clocks, not so much. There are some clocks not meant to be changed;

VCR's; forget it, just not possible so it's not worth discussing.

Cars; some cars are not too bad. My Taurus has it right, big buttons that say HOUR & MINUTE, push them and the time changes, life is good. However, some cars require an owner's manual to set. Usually something like "push the tuning knob and the power knob at the same time and turn the tuning knob clockwise until the proper time shows on the display and press set". Are you kidding me, how many fingers do they think I have? Also, they don't do that many things at the same time. Then there are those car clocks that have little tiny holes which require the insertion of a little tiny probe to change the time. What sick and twisted individual came up with that?

Digital Alarm Clocks in Hotels; I swear, there's an employee at the hotels who's specific job is to find the most difficult thermostats and alarm clocks on the market. These things have more buttons and settings than the normal clock, it's like someone designed it to confuse weary middle aged men trying to make their meetings on time. Most likely to go after their jobs once they get fired so they can get out of their miserable jobs at the hotels.

I have an atomic clock in my office at home. All I have to do is put batteries in it and it stays correct, now that's effective engineering! An interesting note, my father sent it to me, kind of like he knew what I was going to be suffering through, as if he lived it himself. Well done father, I'll be giving one to my son when he gets to be older. My daughter won't need one, she can set a clock like her mother, they just never let me in on the secret. I think there is a rite of passage thing between women, a "setting of the clock ritual" that men are not privy to.

I hate the guy that came up with daylight savings time............

Observation # 7 - Patio Furniture

So we have a nice suburban front porch with a view of the mountains and it's a great place to sit and watch the world go by. On this front porch we had a pair of nice cast iron chairs with puffy cushions and they were extremely comfortable, I could sit there for hours given the opportunity. Of all the issues we have in our lives, those two chairs were very low on my priority list. I would have assumed the same was the case for my wife, I guess I was wrong.

Yesterday, my lovely wife declared it was time to replace the chairs on the front porch. OK, no big deal and in all actuality a small decision - I can let her make the call. I mean, how could this go bad for me, they're just chairs, right? She brought back two rocking chairs. Rocking chairs, people! I now have two beautiful white rocking chairs in plain view on the front porch of my house. OK, I know I'm getting up there in years but rocking chairs? These things make a statement to everyone that drives by, kind of like the house your grandparents live in. Then there's the confusion issue, two things that just don't go together, Corvette in the driveway and rocking chairs on the front porch. Of course I have a handicap tag for the Vette due to some knee work, but I never put the two things together before. That used to confuse people but now with the rocking chairs on the porch it kind of makes sense. The most disturbing thing of all about these chairs (that I am having a major breakdown over) is that, well.... these things are kind of comfortable. What does that mean?