Observation #32 - World's Worst Idea

I can't believe what I saw on the news tonight, so much so I had to look it up on line to see if it was true. It has to be the worst decision ever made by a software designer, executive or company. I hope I don't offend anyone bringing this up.

I'm talking about the "shaken baby" application on the iPod. Are you serious???? Who in their right mind would think it was a good idea to add a software application to a cell phone that brings up a crying baby and gives the holder of the phone an opportunity to "shake the baby" until two red x's show up over the baby's eyes. Is that the sickest thing you've ever heard of?

What idiot wrote that application, and what idiot decided to suggest to their boss to make it available and most importantly what idiot said " hey, wait a minute, that shaken baby thing, that's a good idea!". If no one gets fired over this there is no sanity left in corporate America.

Observation # 31 - The Wind In Your Hair

OK, this is a little self serving. I decided we were far enough into spring that it was time for the top to come off my daily driver Corvette. I love driving these things with the tops off, sitting in the sun with the stereo blasting a little Bob Seger or maybe some Eagles and my hair blowing in the wind. That's kind of the issue.

You see my hair is thinning, like many men my age. I don't have any issues with it and my ego does not take a hit over it, just don't care. Almost looking forward to the day I can just wipe my head off and go to work, much easier. Also, think of the money I'll save on shampoos and hair gels, all good. The problem with driving a Vette with the top off and thin hair is that if you don't wear a hat you burn the top of your head. If you've never had a sunburn on top of your head let me tell you it's a strange feeling. First it hurts to comb your hair and second it makes your head show through more, kind of like rubbing salt in a wound.

Oh well, I'll just buy a cool hat.............

Observation #30 - Space Bags

Well, my wife and I have entered the space age. We went out and bought some space bags. I guess they're talking about space as in the amount of room something takes up but I prefer to feel like I'm part of something bigger like the space program.

Anyhow, you know what these are, they're the plastic bags you can put 35 sweaters, two comforters and a recliner in, attach your vacuum and suck out all the air until the bag is small enough to fit into a kitchen drawer. We actually started small with one comforter. We did as directed and attached the vacuum and sucked out all the air and viola, it can now fit in a kitchen drawer, amazing. Although it now weights three times more than it did before, but that's science for you.............

Observation #29 - Veternarians

I think Vets have the best racket going. I know there are times when they are a necessary evil to keep our pets healthy, but I still think they have a pretty good thing going.

We had to take our little poodles in for a teeth cleaning, wanted to make sure that their teeth were in it for the long run. Should have known better, after a couple of hours we got the call. The call was the "your dogs need to have some teeth pulled" call, eight to be exact. It's not like you can say no, what kind of person would refuse treatment for poor little poodles unable to help themselves? That's the kind of reputation that could stick you know.

These two poodles are aged 3 & 4, how bad could their teeth be? They don't get candy or sweets and they don't get an allowance so they can't sneak out of the house a go to the local 7-Eleven to get their own. How did their teeth rot. At this rate they'll have no teeth left in a few years. Needless to say, $660 dollars later we walked out with two bags including antibiotics, pain pills and two baggies with their teeth. Why would hey give me the teeth? It's not like I'm going to put them under their dog pillow and hope for a quarter, nor do I plan on making any jewelery out of them.

Anyone want some slightly used toy poodle teeth?

Jeffery kicked the seat once too often........

Observation #28 - More Flying

Well, I flew home from Butte today. It was one of those flights, almost two hours delayed by weather in Butte, had to get deiced and from 30 seconds after take off until 30 seconds before we landed I never saw a thing outside the window but snow. Normally I would sleep, but Jeffery was behind me and Jeffery was constantly kicking my seat. I know his name was Jeffery because I kept hearing his Dad say "stop that Jeffery", he never did. I'm ashamed to say it but I was calculating Jeffery's mass and trying to determine if it would fit in the overhead bin, it would.

But that's not what I wanted to talk about. We have all heard the safety announcement so often we can repeat it at a moments notice. But I picked up something today that made me wonder about the people in those seats. The flight attendant said in order to sit in the emergency exit row "you must be able and willing to open the door when called upon without being distracted". Without being distracted???? If something happens that means that door has to be opened NOTHING would distract me, not even the number of people I would have to climb over to open the door. I mean, what does she expect someone to say, "please wait until I finish this chapter"? Do we really need to be asked that question?

Flying into Butte.........

Observation #27 - More Flying

Well, tomorrow I'm off again, this time to Butte MT. Again, Butte is one of my favorite places , just hate getting there as once again I need to fly the dreaded CRJ200 regional jet. I eluded to this on an earlier post, but my scariest experience flying happened in Butte. First off, the airport is called Bert Moody Airport, how can you take an airport with that name seriously? It's a small airport with one gate, yes one gate but it is a nice gate.

I had finished the week and had boarded my flight home. It was a small crowd so on these small jets they need to move everyone to the back to get the center of gravity right, don't really care for that. So anywho, we left the gate and we get to the runway and power up and away we go. Just before the front wheel gets off the ground the pilot shuts it down, slams the nose back down and stands on the brakes, thought maybe there were some sheep on the runway. We barely made the last turnout and in fact the right wheel which I was sitting over missed the tarmac and went over the grass.

As we were headed back to "the" gate, the pilot came on and said he had a couple of warning lights he did not understand so he wanted to go back to "the" gate and call maintenance. Plus, he wanted to have someone look at the right wheel as it came off the runway. So we park at "the" gate and some guy in a brown 1967 ford pick up wearing filthy overalls and a Cessna cap walks under the wing, shakes the landing gear and gives the pilot a thumbs up and away we go. The pilot taxied back to the runway and we all thought he was going to run up the engines but instead he takes off. All 15 of us spent the next 45 minutes listening to every noise that plane made. After landing the pilot finally explained the issue, would have been nice if he had done it before we took off.............

Observation #26 - Hotels

OK, just got back from Albuquerque, had a great trip. When I travel, I am fortunate to work for a company that wants us to stay in Marriott hotels, their feeling is if we're being asked to be away from home the least they can do is put us up in the best, very cool.

I have noticed one thing about most hotels, including the very up scale Marriott's I stay in, they have the ugliest carpet I have ever seen. Have you ever looked at the carpet in your room? Looks like someone spilled a truckload of tacky all over it. Red and gray plaid with a green border, real classy. Maybe it's me, perhaps that is what the wealthy people are doing now, I hope not but maybe I'm the one out of step with style.I have never seen a carpet in a hotel that I would put in my house. These room have top of the line TVs, beds, bedding, jet tubs, you name it. So why the ugly carpet? I think I have figured it out. You see, hotels do not want you to leave anything behind. I guarantee you that if you drop something on the floor it WILL stick out like a sore thumb against that ugly carpet.

So I like to believe they're looking out for us............

Observation #25 - Flying

Been travelling the past few days, had a business trip to Albuquerque, love that town, great climate and food, a favorite place to go to, but not to travel to. I can only get the on the smallest possible regional jets, the dreaded CRJ200. Now understand it's a nice plane, just not suited for long trips with 47 of your closest friends. I aways get 1C, the first one I can fall into when I get in the plane. I get away with this due to some recent knee surgery, they give it to me to make me more comfortable, very nice of them. Most flights I get the row to myself, also a good thing, but not on this trip. So there were two of us squished into seats 1C & 1D. It would not be so bad if it weren't for "elbow wars" This is the game two passengers play when they both want to use the 1.75 inch wide arm rest between the two seats. You end up with both elbows on the rest, one in front and one in back making very sure not to have any personal contact. So you get your elbows situated and hold perfectly still until you land, not much fun.........

Seemed Appropriate

Observation #24 - Airports

Well it's off to the big city of Albuquerque tomorrow which means one thing, I get to waste away hours of my life at a couple airports. It's not the $3 bottles of water or the $5 Whoppers, it's the whole experience. Everyone is in a hurry to get somewhere and no one is in a hurry to help you get there. You rush to get there early, wade through the throngs at the security check just to have your personal possessions given lethal doses of x rays. I always have the same experience, I keep headphones in my back pack and they must look like a bomb as I always have to get them out. I can understand that, I fit the profile of a terrorist, middle aged, over weight balding white man, we all look alike.

You then rush to the gate only to hurry up and wait some more. Even if everything goes just right and you board on time, someone will not be with the program and everyone needs to wait until that poor lost soul is found. Even so, I do love to give them a dirty look when they do finally get on the plane.

Plus I fly mostly to small airports, Boise, Butte, Grand Junction & Albuquerque which means small planes, the regional jets. I don't mind them, but they are a little tight. I'm just not the demographics the designers at Bombardier were thinking of when they designed the CR series. Plus, the pilots on these flights look like they just graduated high school. We had a recent aborted take off in Butte and as we were rolling back to THE gate (there's only one in Butte), the pilot said it was no big deal, just a couple of warning lights they needed some clarification on....... don't they teach them that in flight school????

Oh well, at least it's a short flight and I can sleep through anything.

Sorry, one more............

Observation #23 - Pets

Pets are great, my little poodles are genuinely happy to see me when I get back from a trip on the road. They sit on my lap when I watch TV, they sleep with their little poodle heads against mine at night and all I have to do is look at them and I get my face licked, pets are great.

So to reward them, I like to slip them a little people food every now and then. I need to be careful as my wife does not agree with my method of rewarding their companionship. I'm getting good at it, but I got caught giving them a little taste of peanut butter, I have no idea if it's good for them, but they love it. My wife was not amused.

I have a confession, I don't give it to them because I think it's a great treat, it's more of a guilty pleasure for me. You see, give your little poodle a blob of peanut butter, it gets stuck to the roof of their mouth, just like when I eat it. When it happens to poodles, they clear it up by putting their tongues into overdrive and start licking the chops at a high rate of speed, it's pretty funny. I'm ashamed to admit it but that's why I give it to them. Before you judge me, try it on your dog, its good for a laugh and the dogs get a treat, a win/win in my book.

Probably wouldn't work on a cat.........

Sorry, found another favorite.......

Observation #22 - Tater Tots

I'm 51 years old and I like tater tots, not too proud to admit it. My wife made some tonight and I forgot how much I like those little starchy nuggets. I like them with ketchup, mustard, fry sauce (Utah thing), BBQ sauce and cheese. I like them with pretty much everything but carrots. I could eat them every day, I would like to thank Mr. Tot for inventing these, I am indebted to you.

Ever notice you can't get them at most restaurants? Go to Chili's or Applebee's and ask for a big plate of tater tots and they'll most likely ask you to leave. What do they have against the innocent little tater tot? They'll clog our arteries with french fries but wont serve us tater tots, that's just not American.

I think we should band together and boycott all restaurants that refuse to serve tater tots. No shirts, no shoes no tater tots, no business...................

One more of my favs, sorry...........

Observation #21 - Guitars

OK, it may be my mid life crisis kicking in, but I want a guitar. I don't mean a John Denver "take me home country roads" guitar either. I want a Fender Stratocaster with tremolo in a coffee sunburst pattern or a Gibson Les Paul II Studio Classic in a honey finish. Plus I would need a major Marshall amp, the kind that can start an earthquake. Not too much to ask for is it? I could get it all for a couple thousand bucks, is that too much to expect? Apparently it is, and understandably so.

A couple of problems, first off is I really don't have a clue how to play one. I've never even held one and the chances of me being able to play one with these chubby and arthritic fingers are pretty low. I could be the only adult in a class of 16 year olds, not too appealing. Plus, I would have to grow out my pinkie fingernail and every time I see one on a guy it gives me the creeps.

Also, when you have a pair of Corvettes, a high tech set of drums, lots of expensive exercise equipment and a pool table, its not very easy to sell that fact you need another toy. Even I don't know how to approach the subject. However, being a little hard headed and not necessarily the brightest star in the sky, I still asked her.

I thought I killed her at first, she laughed so hard she passed out. Don't think I'll be playing lead guitar for Aerosmith anytime soon so Joe Perry doesn't need to sweat it........... for now.