Observation #32 - World's Worst Idea

I can't believe what I saw on the news tonight, so much so I had to look it up on line to see if it was true. It has to be the worst decision ever made by a software designer, executive or company. I hope I don't offend anyone bringing this up.

I'm talking about the "shaken baby" application on the iPod. Are you serious???? Who in their right mind would think it was a good idea to add a software application to a cell phone that brings up a crying baby and gives the holder of the phone an opportunity to "shake the baby" until two red x's show up over the baby's eyes. Is that the sickest thing you've ever heard of?

What idiot wrote that application, and what idiot decided to suggest to their boss to make it available and most importantly what idiot said " hey, wait a minute, that shaken baby thing, that's a good idea!". If no one gets fired over this there is no sanity left in corporate America.

Observation # 31 - The Wind In Your Hair

OK, this is a little self serving. I decided we were far enough into spring that it was time for the top to come off my daily driver Corvette. I love driving these things with the tops off, sitting in the sun with the stereo blasting a little Bob Seger or maybe some Eagles and my hair blowing in the wind. That's kind of the issue.

You see my hair is thinning, like many men my age. I don't have any issues with it and my ego does not take a hit over it, just don't care. Almost looking forward to the day I can just wipe my head off and go to work, much easier. Also, think of the money I'll save on shampoos and hair gels, all good. The problem with driving a Vette with the top off and thin hair is that if you don't wear a hat you burn the top of your head. If you've never had a sunburn on top of your head let me tell you it's a strange feeling. First it hurts to comb your hair and second it makes your head show through more, kind of like rubbing salt in a wound.

Oh well, I'll just buy a cool hat.............

Observation #30 - Space Bags

Well, my wife and I have entered the space age. We went out and bought some space bags. I guess they're talking about space as in the amount of room something takes up but I prefer to feel like I'm part of something bigger like the space program.

Anyhow, you know what these are, they're the plastic bags you can put 35 sweaters, two comforters and a recliner in, attach your vacuum and suck out all the air until the bag is small enough to fit into a kitchen drawer. We actually started small with one comforter. We did as directed and attached the vacuum and sucked out all the air and viola, it can now fit in a kitchen drawer, amazing. Although it now weights three times more than it did before, but that's science for you.............

Observation #29 - Veternarians

I think Vets have the best racket going. I know there are times when they are a necessary evil to keep our pets healthy, but I still think they have a pretty good thing going.

We had to take our little poodles in for a teeth cleaning, wanted to make sure that their teeth were in it for the long run. Should have known better, after a couple of hours we got the call. The call was the "your dogs need to have some teeth pulled" call, eight to be exact. It's not like you can say no, what kind of person would refuse treatment for poor little poodles unable to help themselves? That's the kind of reputation that could stick you know.

These two poodles are aged 3 & 4, how bad could their teeth be? They don't get candy or sweets and they don't get an allowance so they can't sneak out of the house a go to the local 7-Eleven to get their own. How did their teeth rot. At this rate they'll have no teeth left in a few years. Needless to say, $660 dollars later we walked out with two bags including antibiotics, pain pills and two baggies with their teeth. Why would hey give me the teeth? It's not like I'm going to put them under their dog pillow and hope for a quarter, nor do I plan on making any jewelery out of them.

Anyone want some slightly used toy poodle teeth?

Jeffery kicked the seat once too often........

Observation #28 - More Flying

Well, I flew home from Butte today. It was one of those flights, almost two hours delayed by weather in Butte, had to get deiced and from 30 seconds after take off until 30 seconds before we landed I never saw a thing outside the window but snow. Normally I would sleep, but Jeffery was behind me and Jeffery was constantly kicking my seat. I know his name was Jeffery because I kept hearing his Dad say "stop that Jeffery", he never did. I'm ashamed to say it but I was calculating Jeffery's mass and trying to determine if it would fit in the overhead bin, it would.

But that's not what I wanted to talk about. We have all heard the safety announcement so often we can repeat it at a moments notice. But I picked up something today that made me wonder about the people in those seats. The flight attendant said in order to sit in the emergency exit row "you must be able and willing to open the door when called upon without being distracted". Without being distracted???? If something happens that means that door has to be opened NOTHING would distract me, not even the number of people I would have to climb over to open the door. I mean, what does she expect someone to say, "please wait until I finish this chapter"? Do we really need to be asked that question?

Flying into Butte.........

Observation #27 - More Flying

Well, tomorrow I'm off again, this time to Butte MT. Again, Butte is one of my favorite places , just hate getting there as once again I need to fly the dreaded CRJ200 regional jet. I eluded to this on an earlier post, but my scariest experience flying happened in Butte. First off, the airport is called Bert Moody Airport, how can you take an airport with that name seriously? It's a small airport with one gate, yes one gate but it is a nice gate.

I had finished the week and had boarded my flight home. It was a small crowd so on these small jets they need to move everyone to the back to get the center of gravity right, don't really care for that. So anywho, we left the gate and we get to the runway and power up and away we go. Just before the front wheel gets off the ground the pilot shuts it down, slams the nose back down and stands on the brakes, thought maybe there were some sheep on the runway. We barely made the last turnout and in fact the right wheel which I was sitting over missed the tarmac and went over the grass.

As we were headed back to "the" gate, the pilot came on and said he had a couple of warning lights he did not understand so he wanted to go back to "the" gate and call maintenance. Plus, he wanted to have someone look at the right wheel as it came off the runway. So we park at "the" gate and some guy in a brown 1967 ford pick up wearing filthy overalls and a Cessna cap walks under the wing, shakes the landing gear and gives the pilot a thumbs up and away we go. The pilot taxied back to the runway and we all thought he was going to run up the engines but instead he takes off. All 15 of us spent the next 45 minutes listening to every noise that plane made. After landing the pilot finally explained the issue, would have been nice if he had done it before we took off.............

Observation #26 - Hotels

OK, just got back from Albuquerque, had a great trip. When I travel, I am fortunate to work for a company that wants us to stay in Marriott hotels, their feeling is if we're being asked to be away from home the least they can do is put us up in the best, very cool.

I have noticed one thing about most hotels, including the very up scale Marriott's I stay in, they have the ugliest carpet I have ever seen. Have you ever looked at the carpet in your room? Looks like someone spilled a truckload of tacky all over it. Red and gray plaid with a green border, real classy. Maybe it's me, perhaps that is what the wealthy people are doing now, I hope not but maybe I'm the one out of step with style.I have never seen a carpet in a hotel that I would put in my house. These room have top of the line TVs, beds, bedding, jet tubs, you name it. So why the ugly carpet? I think I have figured it out. You see, hotels do not want you to leave anything behind. I guarantee you that if you drop something on the floor it WILL stick out like a sore thumb against that ugly carpet.

So I like to believe they're looking out for us............

Observation #25 - Flying

Been travelling the past few days, had a business trip to Albuquerque, love that town, great climate and food, a favorite place to go to, but not to travel to. I can only get the on the smallest possible regional jets, the dreaded CRJ200. Now understand it's a nice plane, just not suited for long trips with 47 of your closest friends. I aways get 1C, the first one I can fall into when I get in the plane. I get away with this due to some recent knee surgery, they give it to me to make me more comfortable, very nice of them. Most flights I get the row to myself, also a good thing, but not on this trip. So there were two of us squished into seats 1C & 1D. It would not be so bad if it weren't for "elbow wars" This is the game two passengers play when they both want to use the 1.75 inch wide arm rest between the two seats. You end up with both elbows on the rest, one in front and one in back making very sure not to have any personal contact. So you get your elbows situated and hold perfectly still until you land, not much fun.........

Seemed Appropriate

Observation #24 - Airports

Well it's off to the big city of Albuquerque tomorrow which means one thing, I get to waste away hours of my life at a couple airports. It's not the $3 bottles of water or the $5 Whoppers, it's the whole experience. Everyone is in a hurry to get somewhere and no one is in a hurry to help you get there. You rush to get there early, wade through the throngs at the security check just to have your personal possessions given lethal doses of x rays. I always have the same experience, I keep headphones in my back pack and they must look like a bomb as I always have to get them out. I can understand that, I fit the profile of a terrorist, middle aged, over weight balding white man, we all look alike.

You then rush to the gate only to hurry up and wait some more. Even if everything goes just right and you board on time, someone will not be with the program and everyone needs to wait until that poor lost soul is found. Even so, I do love to give them a dirty look when they do finally get on the plane.

Plus I fly mostly to small airports, Boise, Butte, Grand Junction & Albuquerque which means small planes, the regional jets. I don't mind them, but they are a little tight. I'm just not the demographics the designers at Bombardier were thinking of when they designed the CR series. Plus, the pilots on these flights look like they just graduated high school. We had a recent aborted take off in Butte and as we were rolling back to THE gate (there's only one in Butte), the pilot said it was no big deal, just a couple of warning lights they needed some clarification on....... don't they teach them that in flight school????

Oh well, at least it's a short flight and I can sleep through anything.

Sorry, one more............

Observation #23 - Pets

Pets are great, my little poodles are genuinely happy to see me when I get back from a trip on the road. They sit on my lap when I watch TV, they sleep with their little poodle heads against mine at night and all I have to do is look at them and I get my face licked, pets are great.

So to reward them, I like to slip them a little people food every now and then. I need to be careful as my wife does not agree with my method of rewarding their companionship. I'm getting good at it, but I got caught giving them a little taste of peanut butter, I have no idea if it's good for them, but they love it. My wife was not amused.

I have a confession, I don't give it to them because I think it's a great treat, it's more of a guilty pleasure for me. You see, give your little poodle a blob of peanut butter, it gets stuck to the roof of their mouth, just like when I eat it. When it happens to poodles, they clear it up by putting their tongues into overdrive and start licking the chops at a high rate of speed, it's pretty funny. I'm ashamed to admit it but that's why I give it to them. Before you judge me, try it on your dog, its good for a laugh and the dogs get a treat, a win/win in my book.

Probably wouldn't work on a cat.........

Sorry, found another favorite.......

Observation #22 - Tater Tots

I'm 51 years old and I like tater tots, not too proud to admit it. My wife made some tonight and I forgot how much I like those little starchy nuggets. I like them with ketchup, mustard, fry sauce (Utah thing), BBQ sauce and cheese. I like them with pretty much everything but carrots. I could eat them every day, I would like to thank Mr. Tot for inventing these, I am indebted to you.

Ever notice you can't get them at most restaurants? Go to Chili's or Applebee's and ask for a big plate of tater tots and they'll most likely ask you to leave. What do they have against the innocent little tater tot? They'll clog our arteries with french fries but wont serve us tater tots, that's just not American.

I think we should band together and boycott all restaurants that refuse to serve tater tots. No shirts, no shoes no tater tots, no business...................

One more of my favs, sorry...........

Observation #21 - Guitars

OK, it may be my mid life crisis kicking in, but I want a guitar. I don't mean a John Denver "take me home country roads" guitar either. I want a Fender Stratocaster with tremolo in a coffee sunburst pattern or a Gibson Les Paul II Studio Classic in a honey finish. Plus I would need a major Marshall amp, the kind that can start an earthquake. Not too much to ask for is it? I could get it all for a couple thousand bucks, is that too much to expect? Apparently it is, and understandably so.

A couple of problems, first off is I really don't have a clue how to play one. I've never even held one and the chances of me being able to play one with these chubby and arthritic fingers are pretty low. I could be the only adult in a class of 16 year olds, not too appealing. Plus, I would have to grow out my pinkie fingernail and every time I see one on a guy it gives me the creeps.

Also, when you have a pair of Corvettes, a high tech set of drums, lots of expensive exercise equipment and a pool table, its not very easy to sell that fact you need another toy. Even I don't know how to approach the subject. However, being a little hard headed and not necessarily the brightest star in the sky, I still asked her.

I thought I killed her at first, she laughed so hard she passed out. Don't think I'll be playing lead guitar for Aerosmith anytime soon so Joe Perry doesn't need to sweat it........... for now.

One more of my favorites, just couldn't resist...

Observation #20 - Spring Time

Spring is without a doubt the most frustrating season of all, if a season can be frustrating. Here, it's 70 degrees one day and 4 inches of snow the next. One day I'm driving one of the old Vettes and the next day I'm driving the Jeep with the hubs locked. I think that Spring should be like an on/off switch, one day its Winter and the next day its Spring. Wish I knew how to do that, must be a way, after all I'm not asking for much, I just want to control the weather. OK, sounds a little more difficult when I say it that way.

My parents live in Phoenix and will tell you it's a perfect climate. We also lived there for 9 years so I have some experience in the subject. Yes, the Winters are a delight, shorts, golf and driving Corvettes, what more can you want? But Spring is not so kind, you get 100 degree days in April and they don't end until September. Who wants to play golf or drive a Corvette with the top off when it's 118 degrees outside, you'll get your brain baked. Come to think of it, most people say my ideas are half baked, maybe that's why, got my brain baked in Phoenix.

I think I'll go with that, sounds like a good excuse.........

Another of my favorites just for grins.......

Observation #19 - Drums

OK, maybe it's part of my mid life crisis, but I took up playing the drums again a few years ago. Had not played since high school, never was much good but I like being loud, just ask my wife, I'm about as loud a guy can be in most everything I do so the drums kind of fit for me. Drums can be the perfect instrument for someone that likes music but not seriously enough to take the time to be good at it, you just got to be loud.

I took it one step further, I play digital drums meaning that they are computerized basically. They set up like the real thing but instead of skins they have triggers that pick up the beat each time a head is struck and sends a signal to the controller to make whatever sound is assigned to that particular drum head, pretty cool eh? I am a musically inclined techno geek. Another nice feature about these types of drums is that depending on your controller you can feed your CD or DVD player through it and scrub the drum track out so you're playing it yourself along to the CD or DVD. As a result I have played for some of the true greats, the Eagles, Mellencamp, Bob Seger, Jimmy Buffett, Heart, Aerosmith, Paul McCartney, The Rolling Stones, Van Halen, Queen (hate to admit that, it doesn't mean a thing), Pink Floyd, Joe Cocker and Neil Diamond. I know Neil Diamond, how does that fit? Hard to say, a childhood favorite I guess although it is very difficult to go from Van Halen to Neil Diamond.

I have also played all the great locations, The Hollywood Bowl, Royal Albert Auditorium, Red Rocks Amphitheater and Wembley Stadium, I am living vicariously through my DVDs, which is kind of sad in itself. However, in my mind I am a celebrity of sorts, a real music mogul to be held in awe by all those around me, at least until the DVD ends.

Another great thing about playing the drums this way is again, you don't need to be good, just loud. If you screw up, just do it loud and it sounds like it belongs. It's also great for taking out aggression, annoying your wife and ticking off your neighbors, although my wife likes me to play the drums for her. I still can't tell if it's a case of her using reverse psychology on me, it's all very confusing. Overall, really no down side from my point of view..........

Observation #18 - Knight Rider

OK, this is a bit of an indulgence, not for me but for my daughter. See, she liked the old show Knight Rider, personally I never understood the big deal about a talking car. If I wanted to hear someone tell me how to drive I would take my wife, don't need the car telling me what to do. Anywho, I went to a car show and they had the old and new Kitt cars there so I took a picture for my daughter. Erica, this one's for you

Observation #18 - LOL

LOL, I hate that and it goes for the rest of them too. If I hear LOL once more I won't BRB and you won't be my BFF anymore. Holy cow, start expanding your vocabulary not shrinking it. How about this one; dykhsys? It means "do you know how stupid you sound?". Or this one; guaslaa or grow up and speak like an adult.

And that goes for faces made of keystrokes, enough already. :) this is not a sideways smiley face, it's a colon and a parenthesis. These things are annoying. If you insist on using smiley faces at least use some of the ones you can get on line like:



At least these leave me ROFL..............

Observation #17 - Emergency Rooms

If there is one place where a middle aged guy may have an advantage it may just be an emergency room. Let me preface this by saying, how do I put this, I'm not exactly petite. Not ready for the Big & Tall Department, but still a big guy. One evening a few years back when I was the tender age of 47, I felt a little pain in my chest. Now don't anyone panic, the ticker is good, turned out to be a bad gallbladder, yanked it out and life is good again, but that's not relevant to the story. Anywho, I told my wife that we may want to go get the chest pain checked out to be safe. We arrived at Overland Park Regional Medical Center to a fairly packed waiting room. That's where the advantage kicks in, see all you have to do is show up as a non-petite middle age man and say those two magic words "chest pain" and you go directly to the head of the line, no registration or anything, just wham bam and into a room with more medical professionals than you'll know what to do with. I have never felt more welcome anywhere.

That's where the downside is and reality kicks you between the eyes... doctors. These ER doctors don't have much patience (a little pun there) with overweight middle aged guys having chest pain once they've ruled out heart trouble. After about an hour of being treated like a king with dignity and respect, the doctor came in to tell me my heart was fine, he could have stopped right there but it was time to put the fear of God in me. He asked a few questions; "do you know what your cholesterol is?" I said no, he asked do you know what your blood pressure is?" I said no. His next question was a little less compassionate when he asked "are you stupid", I didn't answer but my ever supporting wife was quick to fill the silence and answered for me saying "why yes he is". Well long story short, those two no's cost me a night in the hospital so they could run every test known to mankind to let me know my heart was fine. I was poked, prodded, drained, filled, put to sleep and woken back up. If I ever was sick I think the hospital would be the last place I would go for comfort. It was the ER doc's way of punishing me for being stupid, had it coming I suppose. Anyways it worked, lost a bunch of weight, still a ways to go but getting there and got my numbers under control.

Next time I'll just tell them my knee hurts and then work into the chest pain slowly.........

One of my favorites just for fun...........

Observation #16 - Music

Why is it that all music today sounds the same, whether it's pop, country or contemporary, it all sounds the same to me, it sound like it's being sung by depressed adolescent people on Prozac. Very rarely do I hear anything up-tempo or well just happy. I can't tell one song from another, they all sound the same, same words, same melody, same voice and same reaction, makes me depressed. Even country music has a overall tone of depression, some body's been cheated on, had their truck stolen or been hit by a train, not too uplifting now is it?

Back in the days when it was a luxury to have an FM radio in your car and you could break a finger pushing the preset buttons on your AM dial, the music had some personality, some style. You could listen to Bob Seger or Donna Summers, both would be totally different experiences. There was a selection process involved, you had to choose between John Denver or Heart based on what you were in the mood for. Now it doesn't matter what you're in the mood for, you're going to get teen age depression.

Thank goodness for CD players.........

Observation # 15 - Headaches

I have a headache, seemed like a good thing to blog about. I was sitting here trying to decide on a subject and thinking so much gave me a headache so it sounded logical. When I was younger it took quite a bit to give me a headache, hours of slaving away in the yard under a hot sun and presto, headache. Not so much anymore. I got a headache last week tying my shoes, that's pretty pathetic. I think headaches are your body's way of telling you to "shut 'er down" when you over do it. If that's true, then I over did it tying my shoes last week, that does not bode well for me in the upcoming years. What's next, am I going to throw my back out opening a Diet Coke? If I can't open a Diet Coke I'll literally die of thirst, seriously I will die of thirst as my body is 95% Diet Coke. If I had to take a drug test today the nurse would take one look at my sample and say "very funny, how did you smuggle in the Diet Coke?". What's scary is what if I had to open a Diet Coke AND make a sandwich, I might have a stroke..............that would not look good in an obituary "died opening a Diet Coke AND making a sandwich, all at the same time. He was a brave soul."

Observation #14 - Road Construction

Here in SLC there are some roads that seem to have been under construction since I left town in 1982 until I returned this year. How long do some of these projects take? They were problems in 1982 and are still problems in 2009. Sometimes as I sit in the perpetual traffic backups, I imagine myself sitting in my 1965 Impala SS on my way to classes at the University of Utah. I listen to oldies stations, many of us oldies do, and it just makes the experience feel more realistic. I feel like I did as youth, dating my soon to be wife, going to pick her up at her Dad's place and heading out for dinner at the Sizzler before we go see Donna Summers in concert. Then some soccer mom in a Range Rover honks because you didn't have that split second reaction she expects to pull up those next three feet and you snap out of it and realize you're in a Ford Taurus on the way to the airport to rush and catch a flight to Denver for business.

Sometimes road construction can make you remember what you miss..............

Observation #13 - Humor

I love a good joke, I also love when some one with a quicker wit than me says someting that makes me pause before I fully understand the humor involved. For example, if you want to see that "dear in the headlight look", next time you go grocery store and you go to check out, you will eventually be asked if you want your milk in a bag. I was with an uncle of mine, one of the quickest wits I have every been around, when he was aked that question. He responded by saying "Geez no, leave it in the bottle, last time you put it in a bag it spilled all over the trunk of my car before I got home". Wait for it, you'll get it in a moment ot two.

The best part is the response of the bagger, for a moment they think they said something wrong and you get a great blank stare, it's priceless.

Observation #12 - Hybrid Cars

I want to be clear up front, if you drive a hybrid car I really don't care. Have you ever heard of a hybrid anything being a good thing? If you were going in for a heart transplant would you want a hybrid replacement heart, I wouldn't. I am not impressed so you don't have to put all kinds of emblems, initials and logos on your car telling me it's a hybrid, again don't care.

I saw a Honda Civic today that said NGV on the side on the car. I was told that it meant Natural Gas Vehicle..... Well Woo Freakin' Hoo. I'm going to put FFGG on the side of my Vette and make sure everyone with a hybrid car knows it means Fossil Fuel Gas Guzzler. I'm using my share of Fossil fuels now, let the next generation worry about what they're going to power their cars with, I'll be dead and on my way to becoming a Fossil fuel myself so I won't care.

It was once pointed out to me while fueling my Vette by the driver of a Toyota Prius that I was being hard on our Fossil fuels. Last time I checked Fossils were all dead, they don't care what I drive. Let's look at the basics, electric hybrid cars need to be recharged with electricity. 75% of our electricity is made by coal fired power plants. Coal is what, a Fossil fuel so get off your high horse.

One last thing, why can't they build a decent looking electric hybrid, they all look like eggs and who wants to drive an egg?

Observation # 11 - Spoons

I can prove that women lose things more than men with the cunning use of spoons. First I need to make a disclaimer, your home must be a proper control group meaning you can't have kids as they will eventually lose everything at least once.

We men tend to use the larger spoon, I would call it by it's proper name but as a man I only know kitchen utensils by description, hence the big spoons. Women tend to use the small spoons by nature. Why is obvious, men have big mouths and women want to believe they don't.

Go ahead an look in your silverware drawer and I bet you'll find more big spoons than small spoons, therefore we can deduce that women loose them as they use them by nature meaning that women lose things more often.

I hope everyone appreciates my clearing this up..............

Observation # 10 - Salads

I have trained myself to order salads when I go out with my wife. It took years to discard the lifetime habit of burgers, ribs and other fatty, but great tasting food. Here I thought I was doing a good thing and now I read that some of my favorite restaurant salads are through the roof at some of my favorite places. Geez, what's a guy to do? Some of these salads have over 1,500 calories, any idea how many burgers I could snarf down for that? It would certainly be a much more enjoyable experience.

I think they should put a disclaimer on these salads like they do cigarettes. Something like "eating this salad can be hazardous to your health not to mention your taste buds". The irony of this is that now instead being hooked on burgers, ribs and other great fatty things, I'm hooked on these artery blocking salads.

I wonder how many calories and how much fat is in carrot cake?

Observation # 9 - Carrots

I admit it, I hate carrots. I hate their color, taste, smell and overall appearance. I see no redeeming value in carrots. I don't like them raw, cooked, shredded or diced. I even hated listening to Bugs Bunny chomp those orange gag-cycles on cartoons as a child. I just hate carrots. One exception, I like carrot cake, goes to show you that a person can wrap anything with cake and smear it with cream cheese frosting and make it edible.

My wife does not share this hatred of carrots with me, she actually likes them. In fact, she puts them in everything, soups, stews, casseroles and she probably even puts them in her cereal in the morning. Everything I eat at home has those horrible orange eyes staring up at me. I'm not sure, but I think forcing your children to eat carrots constitutes child abuse.......... don't think I better turn her in, I'll just end up eating more carrots when she gets out.

Observation # 8 - Clocks

OK, it's a couple weeks past daylight savings time and I have clocks that will still be wrong when we fall back in October. Some clocks are not meant to be changed. Watches, easy, dial clocks with wheels on the back, very easy. Digital clocks, not so much. There are some clocks not meant to be changed;

VCR's; forget it, just not possible so it's not worth discussing.

Cars; some cars are not too bad. My Taurus has it right, big buttons that say HOUR & MINUTE, push them and the time changes, life is good. However, some cars require an owner's manual to set. Usually something like "push the tuning knob and the power knob at the same time and turn the tuning knob clockwise until the proper time shows on the display and press set". Are you kidding me, how many fingers do they think I have? Also, they don't do that many things at the same time. Then there are those car clocks that have little tiny holes which require the insertion of a little tiny probe to change the time. What sick and twisted individual came up with that?

Digital Alarm Clocks in Hotels; I swear, there's an employee at the hotels who's specific job is to find the most difficult thermostats and alarm clocks on the market. These things have more buttons and settings than the normal clock, it's like someone designed it to confuse weary middle aged men trying to make their meetings on time. Most likely to go after their jobs once they get fired so they can get out of their miserable jobs at the hotels.

I have an atomic clock in my office at home. All I have to do is put batteries in it and it stays correct, now that's effective engineering! An interesting note, my father sent it to me, kind of like he knew what I was going to be suffering through, as if he lived it himself. Well done father, I'll be giving one to my son when he gets to be older. My daughter won't need one, she can set a clock like her mother, they just never let me in on the secret. I think there is a rite of passage thing between women, a "setting of the clock ritual" that men are not privy to.

I hate the guy that came up with daylight savings time............

Observation # 7 - Patio Furniture

So we have a nice suburban front porch with a view of the mountains and it's a great place to sit and watch the world go by. On this front porch we had a pair of nice cast iron chairs with puffy cushions and they were extremely comfortable, I could sit there for hours given the opportunity. Of all the issues we have in our lives, those two chairs were very low on my priority list. I would have assumed the same was the case for my wife, I guess I was wrong.

Yesterday, my lovely wife declared it was time to replace the chairs on the front porch. OK, no big deal and in all actuality a small decision - I can let her make the call. I mean, how could this go bad for me, they're just chairs, right? She brought back two rocking chairs. Rocking chairs, people! I now have two beautiful white rocking chairs in plain view on the front porch of my house. OK, I know I'm getting up there in years but rocking chairs? These things make a statement to everyone that drives by, kind of like the house your grandparents live in. Then there's the confusion issue, two things that just don't go together, Corvette in the driveway and rocking chairs on the front porch. Of course I have a handicap tag for the Vette due to some knee work, but I never put the two things together before. That used to confuse people but now with the rocking chairs on the porch it kind of makes sense. The most disturbing thing of all about these chairs (that I am having a major breakdown over) is that, well.... these things are kind of comfortable. What does that mean?